“Have you ever noticed that when life finally gets calm, you find a way to stir up drama?” asks Marc Azoulay, psychotherapist and host of the Men’s Therapy Podcast. In this episode, Azoulay unpacks a deeply rooted issue many men face: self-sabotage.
From quitting stable jobs to picking fights in good relationships, men often create chaos just when things appear to be steady. According to Azoulay, this behaviour is not about seeking peace but about being hooked on stress: “You’re not addicted to winning. You’re addicted to the struggle.”
Azoulay reveals how cortisol addiction and the constant pursuit of conflict are shaping the lives of men. Especially those who equate success with endless battles. This pattern is leaving many men restless, unfulfilled, and disconnected from true meaning.
Azoulay explains that self-sabotage is more than just a mindset; it is biological. The body’s stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol, play a significant role in keeping men in cycles of struggle. “Adrenaline is the quick hit, the fight-or-flight rush. Cortisol is the long-term stress hormone. It is the one that makes you feel edgy, irritable, and always on guard,” he says. This cortisol buildup not only fuels men’s anger but also creates a dependency on conflict for motivation. Azoulay emphasizes that exercise is one of the most effective ways to reduce cortisol levels. It helps to break free from this physiological trap.
For many men, stability feels threatening. Azoulay introduces the metaphor of the “hidden knife” to describe men raised in chaotic or abusive households. They may always expect betrayal beneath calm surfaces.
One client, for example, excelled at work but repeatedly sabotaged his success by creating conflict with every boss he had. “When things were going well, he would pick fights with coworkers or management, almost as if he needed a nemesis to feel alive,” Azoulay explains.
This highlights how the fight mindset can push men into cycles of self-destruction. For these men, peace is not comfort; it is danger.
Western culture glorifies the warrior archetype. The soldier, the superhero, the entrepreneur who “fights” his way to success. While this mindset can motivate growth, Azoulay cautions against living in constant overdrive.
“If everything is a fight, no one wants to be around you. You end up feeling lonely and angry,” he says. The shadow side of the warrior is relentless battle. This isolates men from the very relationships and opportunities they are striving to protect. True masculinity, Azoulay argues, is about flexibility. It is about knowing when to fight and when to rest.
Breaking the cycle of constant struggle requires men to seek meaning outside of chaos. Azoulay outlines healthier alternatives to the fight mindset:
“Being a man isn’t only about being a warrior. It’s also about being a lover, a mentor, a builder, a leader,” Azoulay reminds his audience.
Self-sabotage keeps men locked in cycles of chaos, stress, and loneliness. Men can move beyond struggle into fulfilment. They can do so by recognizing the pull of cortisol addiction. By understanding the dangers of the warrior archetype, they can find true meaning in protection and connection.
Marc Azoulay is a licensed psychotherapist and the host of the Men’s Therapy Podcast. He specializes in helping men confront patterns of self-sabotage. He also helps them with anger management and overcoming addiction to struggle. Marc guides them toward healthier ways of living and relating. Marc combines therapeutic expertise with relatable storytelling. His work focuses on redefining masculinity for the modern man. It offers tools to embrace peace, connection, and true meaning without sacrificing strength.
Men’s Therapy Online is a revolutionary platform. It is devoted to addressing the particular mental health issues encountered by men. It is hosted by Marc Azoulay, a certified men’s mental health coach. The podcast addresses a wide range of critical topics. These include grief, career transitions, emotional resilience, and personal growth. Every episode will offer insightful conversations and useful coping mechanisms to guide you through life. Join the community and start your journey towards becoming a better man!
https://menstherapy.online/mens-therapy-podcast/
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mens-therapy-podcast/id1559292153
https://www.youtube.com/@menstherapyonline
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