Rites of Passage have quietly faded from many modern communities. This leaves boys to navigate adulthood by themselves. Without clear markers of growth, responsibility, or belonging. In this episode of the Men’s Therapy Podcast, host Marc Azoulay speaks with Paul Marcinkowski. Paul is a counselor with the Becoming a Man Program working inside Chicago public schools. Paul brings decades of experience in youth mentorship, men’s work, and school-based intervention. Together, they explore what masculinity and mental health really look like on the ground.
Paul explains that the Becoming a Man Program is not built around lectures or discipline. Instead, it is structured around consistent group circles, experiential activities, and emotional skill-building. It meets boys where they are. Weekly sessions are embedded into the school day. These sessions help young men learn how to recognize emotions, regulate anger, and take accountability for their actions. Paul describes how many students initially attend for social reasons. Gradually, the group becomes something deeper. It becomes a place of support and reflection.
Drawing from his background in camp leadership and men’s initiation work, Paul sees masculinity as a process, not a performance. Rites are not about proving toughness. They are about guiding boys into responsibility with the support of a community. Marc broadens the conversation to the bigger picture. What happens to men’s mental health when we leave boys without initiation? What does leadership look like when no one teaches young men how to grow into it?
Paul describes Rites of Passage as essential developmental milestones. They help boys understand who they are becoming and what is expected of them. In their absence, many young men are left to define masculinity through external pressure or reactive behavior.
“When there’s no initiation, boys are still becoming men, just without guidance.” Paul explains.
The Becoming a Man Program reintroduces initiation in simple, repeatable ways. Instead of rare ceremonies, the work happens through ongoing group experiences. Accountability, self-reflection, and belonging are practiced regularly, not occasionally.
A core focus of Paul’s work is developing emotional intelligence in young men. He notes that many boys are taught early on to suppress emotions. These include particularly sadness and fear, while anger becomes the only acceptable outlet.
“I grew up with the idea that men don’t cry,” Paul shares, reflecting on his own conditioning.
Through group exercises, reflection, and honest peer feedback, students start to name what they feel. They learn how to express emotions without shutting down or lashing out. Slowly, their definition of masculinity expands. It begins to include vulnerability, self-awareness, and asking for help.
Working in Chicago schools, Paul sees firsthand how poverty, instability, and gun violence affect young people. For many students, daily life feels unsafe and unpredictable. In that environment, mentorship becomes a stabilizing force.
“For some of these kids,” Paul says, “this group is the safest place they have.”
In addition to in-school sessions, partnerships with camps and community programs provide temporary removal from high-risk environments. These experiences offer young men a glimpse of alternative futures and reinforce the lessons learned in group work.
Paul places youth rites within a larger ecosystem of men’s work and therapy for men. Adult facilitators go through their own growth and initiation. They do their own emotional work first.
“You can’t guide someone somewhere you haven’t gone yourself,” Paul explains.
When youth mentorship connects with adult development, the impact becomes intergenerational. Masculinity stops being about control or dominance. It becomes an ongoing practice of service, accountability, and presence.
Paul Marcinkowski’s story shows that rites of passage are not outdated traditions. They are practical, necessary tools for men’s mental health and development. Through the Becoming a Man Program, mentorship, and emotionally grounded men’s work, boys are given a clear path forward. A path rooted in self-awareness, responsibility, and community. Reintroducing rites is not about going backward. It is about building a stronger, more grounded future for men and boys.
Paul Marcinkowski is a counselor with the Becoming a Man Program. He works directly with young men in Chicago public schools. His focus is emotional intelligence, accountability, and mentorship. These work as the foundation of healthy masculinity.
He brings decades of experience to school settings. This includes youth development, camp leadership, and group facilitation. He is also deeply involved in men’s work. He works in initiation-based programs. These efforts help connect youth mentorship with adult rites of passage. His approach centers on self-awareness, service, and community.
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