A Guide to Men’s Coping Patterns

What Are You Using to Avoid Your Life? A Guide to Men’s Coping Patterns

September 24, 2026

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What happens when the habits men use to cope with life start creating problems of their own? From relying on marijuana every night to struggling to say no, feeling emotionally numb, or carrying grief through the holidays, many men learn to manage difficult emotions by pushing them aside rather than dealing with what is underneath.

In this episode of the Men’s Therapy Podcast, Marc Azoulay answers four listener questions covering marijuana dependence, nice guy syndrome, emotional numbness, and grief. The conversation explores how daily marijuana use can become something a person depends on to relax, why withdrawal can make stopping difficult, and how substances can sometimes act as a “smokescreen” over the deeper issues preventing someone from feeling comfortable in their own life.

The episode also examines the problem of constantly saying yes to other people. Being dependable can be a valuable quality, but trying to be everything for everyone can eventually lead to resentment and burnout. Learning to establish boundaries requires practice and may initially feel uncomfortable.

Another listener asks why he feels almost nothing during experiences that would normally produce strong emotions, such as death and grief. The discussion explores how men can become conditioned to suppress emotional experiences and why creating safe environments can make it easier to reconnect with feelings.

Finally, the episode looks at grief around the holidays and the importance of creating new family traditions while continuing to honour the person who has died.

Ultimately, the episode emphasizes a common theme: removing an unhealthy coping mechanism is only part of the process. The deeper work involves understanding what is underneath, creating new experiences, and building a life that does not require constant avoidance.

Who is this episode for?

This episode is for men who:

Use marijuana or another substance every day to relax or cope
Have difficulty saying no and regularly put other people’s needs before their own
Feel emotionally numb or disconnected from their feelings
Struggle to process grief after losing someone they love
Feel especially affected by grief during holidays or family traditions

What happens when something you use to relax becomes something you feel you need to relax?

The episode explains that difficulty stopping and experiencing withdrawal symptoms can be signs that marijuana use has become more than occasional recreation. The host also draws on his own experience with marijuana and sobriety when discussing the issue.

The broader point is not simply whether someone uses marijuana. It is what role the substance plays in their life. If marijuana has become the primary way you sleep, relax, manage stress, or avoid difficult feelings, it may be worth examining what happens when you take it away.

What happens when you stop using marijuana every day?

The episode discusses withdrawal symptoms that can occur after regular marijuana use, including sleep disruption and irritability. It also describes how some people experience vivid dreams, increased sensitivity to their surroundings, and the return of feelings or memories that had previously been muted.

The episode uses the metaphor of a “smokescreen” to describe this experience. Marijuana may make reality feel softer or less overwhelming, but removing that layer can reveal emotions and challenges that were previously easier to avoid. That can include anxiety, fear, stress, difficult memories, and uncomfortable thoughts.

How can men stop saying yes to everyone?

The second listener has spent years saying yes to his boss, friends, and family. Being reliable has become part of his identity, but constantly making himself available has left him feeling resentful and burned out. The episode connects this pattern to what it calls nice guy syndrome.

However, the goal is not to stop being dependable. Being reliable, responsible, and willing to support the people you love can be positive qualities. The problem occurs when those qualities are offered indiscriminately to everyone. Nobody can be everything for everybody.

Where can I find Marc Azoulay?

You can find Marc at his website Men’s Therapy Online, where he offers therapy, coaching, and a free Slack community for men.

Ready to go deeper? Men’s Therapy Online offers Individual therapy built specifically for men. Also consider joining the Men’s Group and the free Slack Community where over 250 men have real conversations about growth, identity, and men’s mental health.

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Disclaimer: MTO connects men with licensed practitioners who provide guidance and support for navigating the challenges of modern life. These coaching services are not a substitute for mental health treatment, emergency services, or crisis support.