Grief Therapy for Men: Breaking Shame & Silence of Loss

Grief Therapy for Men: Breaking Shame, Silence, and the Weight of Loss

September 29, 2025

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On today’s episode of Men’s Therapy Podcast, Marc Azoulay brings together three experienced therapists. Dr. John A. King, Jack Lambert, and Ben. They have a candid discussion on grief therapy. Recorded on September 11th, a day already heavy with national mourning and following a tragic school shooting in Evergreen, Colorado, the conversation is deeply timely.

Each guest approaches grief from a unique perspective. Jack Lambert, a New York-based therapist, explains that clients often seek him out because they cannot find professionals specializing in grief. “People want more than someone telling them it’s just sadness,” he shares. “They want something specific to talk about, a drive to put it somewhere.”

For Dr. John A. King, who works in trauma recovery and anti-human trafficking in Texas, grief is rarely simple. “Grieving is often associated with the loss of a person, but it can also be the loss of a movement, a marriage, or an opportunity,” he says.

Ben, a Colorado-based therapist, brings his experience of working with clients who have lost loved ones in outdoor accidents. He leads long-standing grief support groups funded through the American Alpine Club, where climbers and skiers process losses tied to high-risk pursuits. “It’s become an unfortunately central part of my practice,” he reflects.

This roundtable is not just about naming grief. It is about exploring how men, often discouraged from expressing their emotions, can find healing through therapy, rituals, and connection.

What Makes Grief Different from Sadness?

The therapists agree that grief is far more complex than sadness. Jack explains: “Sadness doesn’t feel like enough. Grief is a collection of emotions, anger, guilt, numbness, that overwhelm people.”

Ben adds, “It’s immensely complicated. It’s not a singular emotion. It’s endless and deeply tied to your relationship with what was lost.”

This framing highlights why grief therapy is critical. Men often assume that grief follows a predictable path, but as Jack emphasizes, stages are less rigid than commonly thought. “You can go four months thinking you’re past it, and suddenly a stage comes back.”

The Role of Shame in Men’s Grief

One recurring theme is shame. Dr. King notes: “I find it shows up a lot with guys as shame. They feel they failed because they couldn’t protect or fix something.” Whether it’s a spouse’s illness, a sudden accident, or a suicide, men often internalize blame.

Marc Azoulay reflects that many men label themselves as cowards for not doing enough. This cycle of shame and denial often fuels unprocessed grief in men, which can manifest in addictions, strained relationships, and even physical illness.

Coping with Loss through Ritual and Community

The therapists stress the importance of ritual and community as anchors for healing. Dr. King draws on his Indigenous Australian heritage, describing rituals where men sit by the fire for days, sharing stories and songs. “As you give room over a course of nights, grief evaporates. It’s room with a purpose,” he says.

Ben echoes the power of group work. “One of the things groups do is let you work on yourself while listening to others. You don’t always have to put your pain into words right away,” he explains. His grief support groups allow men to open up in a structured environment slowly.

Jack recommends “leave-taking rituals,” like writing letters to the deceased and burning them. “There’s something sacred about releasing what was left unsaid,” he explains. Such practices transform grief into a tangible act of emotional expression.

Tools for Navigating Grief

Practical tools are also part of the conversation. Dr. King offers his “three fives” practice: five minutes of mindfulness, five minutes of breathwork, and five minutes of an authenticity check. “Even if all you feel is numbness, that’s still a feeling,” he tells clients. This small daily ritual builds resilience without overwhelming men who fear “failing at feeling.”

Ben introduces a military-inspired “stress continuum,” using colours from green to red to track emotional states. “It gives people a tangible way to monitor how they’re doing, especially when overwhelmed,” he explains.

Jack often asks clients to rate their capacity in percentages. “Sometimes you wake up at 30%, sometimes 70%. Tracking it helps normalize the fluctuations,” he says.

Living with Loss

Perhaps the most sobering truth shared is that grief doesn’t end. “The grief is now, but the loss is forever,” Jack reflects. Yet, within that permanence, there is space for growth. Dr. King emphasizes naming the deceased and keeping memories alive: “Mentioning their name is not just about pain. It’s about connection.”

Ben sees grief therapy as an initiation of sorts. “It cracks people open to more depth of feeling, more meaning, even spirituality,” he shares. Though rarely easy, coping with loss can lead men toward deeper authenticity and stronger community bonds.

Conclusion

Grief therapy is not about erasing pain but about creating room for it—room with purpose. Through rituals, community, and self-awareness tools, men can transform unprocessed grief into an ongoing process of healing and self-discovery. As this roundtable reveals, grief, though permanent, does not have to be paralysing. With support, shame gives way to connection, and silence to emotional expression.

About Dr. John A. King

Dr. John A. King is a Texas-based therapist specializing in trauma recovery and anti-human trafficking. Drawing on his Indigenous Australian heritage, he integrates cultural rituals into his grief work, emphasizing the importance of shared storytelling and purposeful space in healing.

About Jack Lambert

Jack Lambert is a New York City therapist with a private practice serving LGBTQ+ individuals and those struggling with substance use. He is recognized for his focus on grief therapy, helping clients find personalized rituals and strategies for processing complex emotions.

About Ben

Ben is a Colorado-based therapist who works extensively with clients impacted by outdoor-related deaths and accidents. He leads long-standing grief support groups supported by the American Alpine Club, where climbers and outdoor enthusiasts process the trauma of sudden loss.

Resources Mentioned

American Alpine Club

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