Embarking on the Hero’s Journey

Embarking on the Hero’s Journey

February 28, 2024

The Hero’s Journey has resonated with men for time immemorial, it’s a map for men to follow on their path towards meaning. Our guest, Bodhi Aldridge, specializes in guiding men through the trials and tribulations of becoming. He shares his background in yoga, men’s work, and the lessons that he learned from his divorce. Tune in to hear how one man became a hero.

Episode Transcript:

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[Music] Mark azoulay is an industry leader in

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Psychotherapy and men’s mental health he’s helped countless guys get back on their feet deepen their relationships

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and Excel in their lives now he’s taken all that he has learned and is sharing it with you in each episode Mark will

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interview an expert in the field of masculinity and men’s work we’ll cover topics such as emotional intelligence

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masculine identity anger management Financial Health trauma recovery marriage and divorce ethics and

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spirituality tune in and become a better man welcome back to the show I’m your host Mark aay and I’m here with bod

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Aldridge and he is a coach a facilitator and the co-author of a book called the

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Visionary and M leader he also hosts a podcast called true Freedom definitely check it out it’s phenomenal and I would

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love to talk to VOD about male leadership um I love that you bring in both masculine and feminine energy it’s

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something that is weirdly taboo right now but something that I think needs to get talked about so bod welcome to the

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show yeah thank you so much Mark I um I do find that it’s you know in some ways

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a sensitive subject yet like a lot of things if we don’t name it and explore it we’re not going to reveal the

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possibility exactly yeah something I always like to say before we get into these binaries right for our audience is

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you know gender is not depended on sex right so you can have a masculine woman and a feminine man but I do think these

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energies go all the way back through my ology and ancient wisdom and history and like to discard that seems like a waste

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I mean seems really foolish cuz there’s a lot of wisdom connected to this this polarity yeah all traditional cultures

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knew that the polarity existed and you know all scientists you know the North and South Pole it’s it’s all about the

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polarity you know so it’s yeah these energies these currents are running for sure absolutely so we’re going to have

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plenty of time to talk about that but first I want to hear about you bod so can you share a little bit about your story how you got into this work and

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kind of your journey with masculinity yeah thank you and you know I talk a lot about the hero’s journey

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and you know my personal journey I guess was you know finding the scaffolding for

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myself as a man and not having many Role Models like a lot of our listeners you know my parents separated when I was

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seven and was to have a relationship with my father he left and you know it wasn’t a close relationship so suddenly

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you know as a little boy you know it’s like what is it to be a man and I guess

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we kind of make it up as we go um you know for me you know all of the

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dysfunction all of the you know thinking I had to look after Mom thinking I had to control the world to feel safe you

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know all of those classical patterns that most of U most of us develop as

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little people um it really surface you know my wife and I have been together um 40 years married over 40 years years and

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you know when when we got married and had children um I suddenly realized that okay I don’t really know what it is to

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be a husband or a father and fortunately my wife was very supportive so I think I

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just started to dive into my own personal development you know doing doing some work on myself inquiry and

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that’s been a lifelong thread yep like and you know we can explore more the twists and turns in that but that was

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kind of the the inquiry started when I got married married and became a father

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and when I have had no Role Models here yeah let’s talk more about that right cuz I think for a lot of guys that is

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when it gets real and once you form that nuclear family and there is a masculine and a feminine presence in the house and

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it’s like oh my God what do I want to pass down to my kid you know all that stuff comes into sharp contrast of what

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you learned growing up or didn’t learn the holes um so I’m wondering is there is there a story or something that

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encapsulates some of that initial kind of shock of like oh my God I don’t know what I’m doing here

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well I think on the hero’s journey and you know a big part of the completion of

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the hero’s journey is our relationship with our feminine and The Feminine and

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there are certain rights of passages that um traditional cultures had around that and so I think the biggest shock

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Mark and for your listeners was my only version of the feminine really until I

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got married was my mother and in the heroes Journey there are two dysfunctions that we have with

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our mother as much as we love our mother and all the nurturing so one is the

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mother complex MH yeah and ultimately for a lot of men they’ve never come out

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of their mother’s shadow in a way you know they’ve never learned what it is to be a man take responsibility you know

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they’ve been over mothered or smothered yeah and the second is because

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and this is my personal experience the only representation I had of the feminine was my mother I projected all

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of that onto my wife yeah and you know I just thought this is the way the feminine does things this is the way it

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should be quote unquote and of course this created incredible tension for my

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wife going I’m not your mother you know it’s like go and sort that

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out exactly exactly yeah yeah does that make sense it does yeah I’m curious

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um are you a Robert BL fan have you read have you read iron joh yeah yeah yeah love the Robert blah you know absolutely

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yeah and for listeners out there Iron John great book talks a lot about this right this idea of like stealing the key

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so there’s this whole story right of of this Prince that you know grows up it’s one of the only Grims fairy tales about

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men right most about women you know Snow White Cinderella Tinkerbell right all those people right but this one’s like

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you have to steal the key underneath your mother’s pillow and it talks about this individuation of breaking yourself

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free from a cage right that the mother often create and again it’s that smothering I it comes from Love But

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ultimately I think all men need to separate from their mother whether it be physically emotionally or spiritually so

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they can interact with with a woman right versus a mom which is a very different type of

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feminine yeah absolutely and I think any of the parents listening you know it

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really is important to prepare your boys for this transition have awareness you

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know I’ve got four children and 10 grandchildren and you know I’ve seen and supported that journey and I think it is

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one of the fundamental you know we have the father W which is another conversation but that mother

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individuation as you said so important yeah so let’s continue your story right so you projected that stuff all over

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your wife which a lot of us do right you know very common I’m curious like what

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are some of the things that you really had to shed and some things you had to replace it with right some of the like

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grow up level up lessons you had to learn along the way yeah yeah and you know as you say with

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the grow up level up if you think about the different um lines of development you know and typically I think for me

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there was always a deep inquiry into you know I’m very connected to Nature there

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was an inquiry that there’s something bigger going on yeah and so I guess that was kind of the waking up and one of the

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practices I really developed was you know I’ve been practicing yoga for you know over 25 years regularly and that

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just allowed me it was a great tool for me to kind of still the Mind start to

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connect with that and then you know again on the journey the cleanup stuff you know which I know you do and work

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with a lot of men you know like you’ve got to do the shadow work you know however you do that there’s amazing

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practitioners out there you know and on the hero’s journey once you hear the call and listen to the call yeah you got

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to face your dragons yeah so I did a lot of Deep dive around whether it was men’s work whether

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it was therapy whether it was feelings released breath work you know all the different modalities of really the

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cleanup you’ve got to do you got to do that you know I like that you have that yoga background I see you know in the

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background of your camera got a lot of uh Hindi and and Buddhist iconography and I’d love to hear your journey from

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the body sense because I think a lot of guys kind of neglect the body piece and

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then neglect how trauma can be held in the body or how feelings can be held in the body and I’m just curious if that

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was part of your journey as well yeah yeah absolutely and you know all of

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the traditional cultures knew whether it was through yoga Chong martial arts um

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taii that one of the keys on the hero’s journey is we have to learn how to

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withdraw the senses MH so we’re in a very external over sensitive world you

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know our eyes and the noise and things and so what yoga does fundamentally even

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though there’s an incredible physical element what it’s helping you do is come

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within yeah and when you come within you start to realize that we are an

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energetic packet we are an energetic field and again you know taii Chong you

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know a lot of the the current breath work and things like that that men are leaning into you start to realize um

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that I I am an energetic field and I am a physical body and I store yeah both my

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emotional repression you know my TR whatever level of trauma yeah my samcara

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as they say in yoga all of the memories and experiences yeah they’re all stored in our body they’re all stored in our

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energetic field and in the Deep work as you say around the cleanup in particular

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is how can I basically recalibrate my physical body and my energetic body to

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its natural state that’s why nature is so powerful when we you you live near nature when we’re in nature yeah we we

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know the energetic vibration of nature is our Natural State yeah and so that’s

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why um the yoga the body work the energetic work withdrawing and it’s fascinating with the energy work that

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drives yoga so you see a lot of good practitioners yet as you go deeper into yoga as you go deeper into withdrawal of

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the senses and you really get connected with the energy you and you know martial

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artists knew this you know the whole d the power you know the the karate guys

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that break all the bricks and things you know they’re not doing that physically you know there’s an energetic Center in

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our belly the Hara the donen yep whatever you want to call it that is so

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powerful so powerful I know it’s like a a Dynamo right it’s a real engine yeah

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and yeah I I think like to highlight what you’re saying I think a lot of men were really good at creating and

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building but we’re not very good at releasing and a lot of my journey with yoga and with meditation and with you

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know some psychedelic and ritual work it’s been about releasing and surrendering whether that be you know crying my eyes out right or Screaming or

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shaking and twitching right really having like an energetic release that um you for listeners out there like that’s

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masculine too you know I mean the way I like to frame it it’s like you know you got to have deep roots to have long branches and letting your Roots Run Deep

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is this energetic work that bod’s talking about right now yeah yeah I mean we’re drawn as men if you think of the

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masculine and feminine energy the Mas masculine energy is all about agency autonomy strategy linear and so we’re

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drawn to high adventure when we go Outdoors we want to climb the mountain we want to surf the biggest wave and and

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I love all of that and one of the keys the integrated masculine is

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receptivity it’s the gold if you can really understand how to be receptive

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and it’s in the book I wrote you know the the Visionary male leaders because receptivity

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yeah is such a powerful quality to be able to receive life to be able to

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receive love to be able to receive connection with your children with your beloved and it’s not a a conditioned

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state for a lot of men we’re more push energy we’re more out there energy instead of realizing that integrated

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masculine yep is both absolutely absolutely so I want to I want to go back to your story right so you you have

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the wake up call when you become a father right then you’re doing all this deep work spiritual work yogic work you

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know Shadow work then you decide to Pivot and focus on leaders can you say a little bit about that of of how your

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career grew yeah yeah it was fascinating um so like a lot of the listeners

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probably I you know single mom I did well at school and I was like what am I going to do with my life and Mom said go

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and become an attorney so the first 20 years of my life I was an attorney I moved from corporate law to a smaller

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practice and in my late 30s I’d always had this calling and This Whispering that there’s something more yeah and I

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do a lot of work with men around purpose and meaning and so you know the way purpose reveals itself I um I got a

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business coach into my legal practice and she pretty quickly said you’re not that passionate about being a lawyer are

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you and it was like you know I kind of did it it was good I had four children you know paid the mortgage and so that

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was a fundamental transition Mark I she said let’s come and join me she said come and train with me let’s sell the

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legal practice and that you know just over 20 years ago was the real transition into the leadership work you

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know all of my skills as an attorney y all of my um you know skills in getting

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through college all my personal development skills my Spiritual Development skills my relational skills

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you know with my wife parenting all of that I realized so many men in leadership were were yearning that and

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one of the Privileges I’ve had is to walk into boardrooms around the globe and be comfortable talking to men um and

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I work a lot with men who run their own businesses I work a lot with you know guys who are Builders Architects

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Engineers lawyers who had this same calling yeah but I call that leadership

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leader leadership is influence yeah yeah and there’s something like when you speak to that to the right man it gets

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him excited right it gets like that fire going because there is something that you’re touching on That’s So ancient so

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Primal so core to our being um about you know building and and seeking purpose

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and and like you said going on that hero’s journey going on that Quest yeah yeah I think that that

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whisper you know that calling any of the listeners you know and I think you know CO as we know the great invitation and

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the great reflection I think a lot of people are going yeah what is there’s more there’s something more here and you

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don’t have to understand it intellectually you’ve just got to lean into it experientially absolutely

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absolutely yeah I think the Hero Journey is a great metaphor for that I use that in my practice all the time right I think guys like we’re programmed to to

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just love that right like leaving the town going to the underworld fighting the dragon getting the treasure coming

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back marrying the princess right I mean that’s just that’s what we’re all about exactly exactly and the

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Contemporary Journey you know because you know as householders Married with Children you’re still on your hero’s

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journey you know yeah and I think like I was I think the thing is like the

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dragons are internal now which is what I hear you talking about right it’s not so much like fighting a bear to survive

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it’s more about fighting like our mother wound or our father wound or our addiction or our loneliness right like

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those are the dragons exactly you know the Luke Sky water the The Walker the solo hero is actually not necessarily

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how most of us experience it you know it’s it’s really about that internal work definitely yeah so we’re going to

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move to our first commercial break when we get back we’re going to talk more about the hero’s journey U more about your work and what you can bring to

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leaders whether they be you know Small Business Leaders Big Business Leaders fathers whatever right um and he had a

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couple ideas about connection with self um that you want to talk about as well so we got a lot on the docket for you

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all so hang on in there and we’ll see you on the other [Music]

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www.men theapy podcast.com now back to the men’s therapy podcast

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welcome back to the show I’m here with Baldi Aldridge and we’re talking about masculine leadership specifically

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Visionary male leadership which is bod’s book so bod we we left our listeners

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here talking about the hero’s journey and specifically the Contemporary Heroes Journey which do no is something that you really specialize in I’d be curious

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if you could just Define that for the listeners how do you how do you modernize the hero’s journey to what the

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current man is going through today yeah yeah um thank you so if you think about

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the archetype and the archetypal journey of the the hero and you know the reality

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that we get to create the whole of Our Lives um what happens in contemporary

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Society particularly in the western Society in our 20s the fundamental

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driver for the masculine is the search for freedom yeah the fundamental driver for

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the feminine is the search for connection yeah and so as men we look

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for Freedom outside of ourselves yeah we go you know trekking

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we go surf trips we go to India you know we go parting and things like that so in the classic heroes Journey there’s a

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point in the journey yeah when firstly you resist the call and in mythology

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we’re closest to the Grail at about 16 as men so for a lot of listeners that’s the existential crisis the questioning

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yeah we don’t hear the call then we just go into our 20s College parting travel

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and so the Contemporary journey is there’s a point when a lot of men hear the call and wake up you know and if you

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look at late 20s early 30s that can be a pivotal time and so that’s the first

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part of the journey once we wake up and hear the call Y then we’ve got to face the shadow MH and as you say it’s not

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the metaphorical dragons are the inner work you know all of the great work that’s happening there so any of the

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listeners it’s like it’s about doing the work you can do the you know your practice your meditation your yoga but

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it’s also doing the cleanup stuff what happens then on the Contemporary Heroes Journey which again we’ve lost a lot in

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Western culture is the rights of Passage so the hero had to get initiated into

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the different Realms yep in the Celtic Traditions you know the KN you know had

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to be initiated yeah had to be accepted and so there’s some great rights of

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Passage work out there yet it’s often missed because our rights of Passage is you know you turn 21 you can drink

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alcohol and you go and party that’s about it yeah and then yeah that’s it

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and then the other the next step in the hero’s journey so you’ve got the you’ve got the growing up and if you look at

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the beautiful work of the integral work um you’ve also then got the showing up

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how do I show up as a man who am I as a man in my marriage in my business as a

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father so you’ve got the the wake up the clean up yeah the grow up the show up

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and in that you touch the Grail if you’re doing the Deep work you and true Freedom lives within us it’s our Natural

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State yeah and then when you touch the Grail it’s about bringing your gifts to the world these are the questions are

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our purpose about fully expressing ourselves yep and this is the opening up this is when we move into that act of

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surrender yeah and you know working with clients all around the world it’s not

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about leaving your job it’s not about leaving your marriage it’s not about going anywhere

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necessarily the hero’s journey is an inside out process leadership is an inside out process yep how do I do the

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self- inquiry what support do I need from other men from mentors from Guides to be the best version of myself yeah

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that’s really well said I I love that right and it’s like just to kind of add a little spice to it I mean a couple

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things I always like to talk with my guys about is every hero right like their trauma becomes their superpower

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right all the way from Achilles all the way up to you know Captain America right so doing that deep work figuring out how

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we were wounded and healing that means that we can then offer that to the world right we can give them like the Golden

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Fleece I think that’s really powerful um and the last part you say which is where I want to Pivot to is I was looking up

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um you probably know this but the the atmology of hero the word hero right like it’s often

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mistranslated as the strength of two men right you’re like super strong your strength of two men but really it’s the

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strength for two men right the idea that the hero has so much strength they can

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give it to their fellow man give it to another person um so I really like that last part that you talk about which I

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think is not as not as talked about which like the integration right everyone wants to focus on the demons and the dragons and the journey to the

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underworld but none people talk about the integration bringing it back to community so I’m curious your thoughts

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on that and how you help guys do that exactly you know and this purpose question because a lot of people again

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purpose reveals itself it’s an inside out experience so a lot of people think if I what am I here for if what am I

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going to do if I grow up and it it’s external you know we think I’ve got to go and do this I’ve got to go and build

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wells in Africa or I’ve got to go and you know that might well be the case yet it’s the internal piece you know and the

24:24

two men piece you know I love you know I was on a podcast recently where was like the three most important men in your

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life yeah is your relationship with yourself M yeah your relationship with your closest friend Y and your

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relationship with your Mentor or your Elder you know and you know that’s a big

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part of the hero’s journey you know you’ve got to have community and connection men learn around the campfire

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with other men yeah so any of the listeners there’s so many communities now of men who are doing the work you

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know when I run my programs you know which are both online and face to face

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you know we do a lot of work around the connection and community and support and you know being witnessed and held you

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know because my experience Mark is I it’s not that men aren’t willing to be vulnerable it’s that men need to feel

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safe to be vulnerable yeah yeah and I think it’s something that’s really lost I mean it’s some of the work of course I

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do as well but this idea of like the men’s Lodge has been lost right I mean through all culture right like the men

25:23

would go out and Yeah we’d be separate during the day we’d be hunting or building or farming or what have you but then we’d gather right we would gather

25:31

and we would talk and we would just connect and we would support each other and we would help make the community better and I think like that got

25:37

replaced with the bar which adds alcohol element right and then it got replaced by the church and now with you know kind

25:44

of that stuff breaking down in its own way a lot of men really don’t have Community I mean there’s a epidemic of

25:49

male loneliness where most men you know that 60% of men say they have zero friends that’s crazy that’s crazy right

25:58

like they don’t have friends that would help them in need um and I think you

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know you’re really trying to to help that to fix that epidemic because I do think men need each other and it doesn’t

26:08

make us weaker it makes us stronger right yeah you you know you can’t do it

26:14

on your own you know and it’s fascinating you know working with a client recently who’s you know done a

26:19

fair bit of work on himself and he he was saying how what a struggle it was for him to ask for

26:26

help all of the shame and the guilt and the weakness and I’m supposed to be able to deal with this and all of the you

26:33

know conditioning that we’ve had yet you know it’s fascinating if you think about your children like the first thing you

26:40

want them to do is to be able to ask for help with something yeah yeah can you talk more about the barriers cuz I I

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think like this is my own view right I think a lot of men are ignoring the call

26:51

right like I know that’s part of the process but I know men and I work with men in their 20s their 30s their 40s

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even their 50s where they they ignore their call and I think a lot of that is we’re being conditioned to ignore the

27:04

call right there’s a lot of distraction social media drugs alcohol what have you right that like really blunt us to that

27:11

call but I think there’s a lot of barriers where a lot of men are really struggling growing up I’m curious if if

27:17

you see that too and what some of the barriers you see are yeah I mean most of the clients I work

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with you know they have this feeling that their life is on autopilot mhm it’s like I’m just going

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through the motions and you know whilst they may be providing for their family they may you

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know be able to go and you know have a have a drink with their friends and maybe do some exercise or go to the gym

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yeah they know they’re something more yet it’s fascinating with the psyche of

27:47

the masculine because it’s it’s almost as

27:53

if weakness yeah the perception of weak is so

27:59

ingrained yeah that if I don’t have my together excuse the language if I if I don’t hold this together yep I’m

28:06

going to lose it all and and particularly the fathers and husbands in

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the in the audience we put so much pressure on ourselves to hold it all

28:17

together yeah we think we’ve got to hold the family together ourselves together and things like that and if you think

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about the journey from distraction to presence which is one of my primary courses that I teach as you mentioned we

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are so good at distracting ourselves from being present yet we’ll work harder

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we’ll train harder we’ll drink harder we’ll eat harder whatever it is and so fundamentally we’re just distracting

28:43

ourselves so we don’t really connect and listen to the call yeah and then we just end up like

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lonely and lost right and stuck in a in a haze you know um yeah it it it does

28:57

make me sense of like there’s so much resistance to Growing Up and there’s so much resistance for men taking on

29:02

responsibility and like you said getting into community and it’s it’s wild how that got lost cuz you know when I think

29:07

of men like we are we work better in teams right you look at sports or squads

29:12

in the in the military right or hunting parties right like we’ve always been a group Social Animal and it seems like in

29:20

this past couple Generations it’s been so isolating and we not only forgot what that was but like you said we’re afraid

29:26

of it we’re afraid of being part of a group we’re afraid of joining with other men yeah you know my personal Mantra is

29:34

don’t die with the music in you and when I work with clients and any of the

29:39

listeners it’s like you know you have a song to sing one of the things with purpose Mark

29:46

is that if the world is an orchestra yeah all of the different people playing in the orchestra there is one note that

29:53

is you just play that note yeah just play

29:58

that as well as you can and express yourself and and that as as we’ve been

30:03

talking about that calling is there there are lots of ways to get support

30:08

these days you know the work you’re doing the work I’m doing it’s just the willingness to listen to the call and

30:14

what I’m noticing as well is so many um so much of the feminine particularly in

30:19

marriages you know and certainly this was my experience is you know my wife just kept calling me

30:25

forth she’s like there’s a bigger version of you there’s a there’s a healthier version of you so any any of

30:32

the listeners who are any of the women listening who are married heteronormal um support your men support your men to

30:39

step up they just want to feel safe they just want to feel safe yeah let’s talk

30:44

more about that cuz I know a lot of your work is around masculine and feminine Dynamics in the workplace and I think

30:50

it’s it’s a great pivot to talk about the harmony between those two sides of the spectrum yeah yeah and as you

30:56

mentioned earlier you know the masculine and feminine lives within in all of us yeah it’s just that a lot of men are

31:03

more in their masculine a lot of women are more in their feminine and when I teach leadership whether you’re running

31:09

your own business whether you’re running you know a boardroom with you know 10,000 employees what we know the future

31:15

of male leadership yeah and I’m running some courses in Europe on this is the two

31:22

keys to leadership and my simple definition of leadership is influence like we are all leaders yeah whether

31:30

we’re leading in our community our business our family and the two keys to

31:35

leadership are connection and Direction and that’s all you know

31:42

working with staff you know employees around the world all they want is I just want to feel connection with my leader

31:49

with my line manager with my CEO and I just want Clarity of

31:54

Direction yep and connection is the driver of the feminine in us and direction is the driver in the masculine

32:02

yeah Direction’s all about Action Agency connection’s all about collaboration those things and so when I work with

32:09

leaders yeah particularly male leaders how do I embrace both how do I connect with myself and my team yeah and we see

32:16

this in sports the most powerful coaches and and captains have a connection and then how do I lead them with Direction

32:23

what’s the expectation what do I expect of them cuz a lot of s say the goalposts keep moving MH and so for me that’s the

32:31

beautiful thread of the masculine feminine the future of leadership the future of how we structure our

32:36

organizations is embracing those yeah and what I’m hearing in your words that I want to add is like this idea of

32:43

transparency and authenticity which I think specifically younger Generations Millennials and gen Z really need in the

32:50

workplace which I think older Generations didn’t it was more kind of like task oriented but this like trust

32:56

is becoming such a big thing and I think it’s calling a lot of leaders to be leaders in every facet of their lives

33:02

it’s not enough just to like kind of play act or put on the mask right to be a true leader is to be a leader all the

33:08

time yeah exactly you know and yeah through connection with self and connection with other you build trust

33:15

you build authenticity you build you know vulnerability transparency yeah and that’s just through your practice again

33:21

connection you know and for a lot of the listeners just get more in nature connect with with

33:27

yourself quiet reflection if you can’t get near nature you know 15 20 minutes a

33:32

day in reflection contemplation prayer meditation yoga you know really get to

33:38

know yourself yeah that’s the key that connection with self absolutely yeah and

33:44

like loving yourself being your own best friend really get to know yourself and know that you have a lot to offer um

33:49

because yeah like imposter syndrome is running rampant these days because I think people don’t have that connection and they feel empty on the inside so

33:56

they feel like that everyone can see that they can see that they’re just lying their way to the tub you know yeah

34:02

yeah and our thinking mind is in overlay that’s why I do a lot of work around presence yeah because we have you know

34:07

80,000 thoughts a day most of them are negative that not good enough inner critic imposture syndrome is running the

34:14

show we got this over stimulus of our thinking mind instead of getting present in our bodies yeah there’s shame

34:20

everywhere um so we’re going to move to our next commercial break when we come back bod we’re going to talk about how

34:25

you The Listener can do some of these practices bod’s going to share some introspection some exercises some things

34:30

that you can help to tap into your inter masculinity and start to become that Visionary M leader um so hang on in

34:37

there and you’ll get those on the other side of the commercial [Music]

34:51

[Music] break

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37:31

welcome back to the show so bod we were talking about how guys can you know

37:36

embrace the inner hero or become Visionary leaders take the next step and I just wanted to pause because I’m sure

37:42

a lot of men that are listening might feel intimidated by that I I know I did when I was doing my journey I was like

37:47

oh my God that’s a lot I have a fear of commitment I have a fear of responsibility what if I fail you know

37:53

it can be really scary to try to take on this man um so before we dive into you know

37:59

concrete takeaways I’m curious what would you say to to that to that guy the guy who feels a little bit stuck the guy

38:05

that needs some inspiration or some motivation or just the reason why like why they even do any of this

38:12

um well we know that change comes from inspiration or

38:17

desperation and we know on the hero’s journey we’re closest to the Grail yep

38:23

at 16 and at 45h and the midlife crisis is actually

38:29

an external expression of the internal pain however you want to language it or

38:35

calling and so my invitation to any of the listeners is instead of waiting for

38:40

desperation illness divorce bankruptcy yeah Be Inspired Be Inspired yeah and

38:46

just make small moves you know working with flow States you know I work a lot with presence and flow it’s like if if I

38:52

can make 2% shift today you what could I what could I shift ultimately in flow States if you can to make a 4% shift

38:59

every day you’re going to make a huge change so what’s one little pattern you

39:04

can change today yeah and I would say it again it starts with you know the the

39:11

quality of your life is dependent on the quality of the questions you’re asking

39:16

yourself yeah am I willing to ask myself some of the bigger questions because

39:22

that’s going to inform a lot of this yeah who am I why am I here what am I

39:27

here for yeah what does purpose mean to me how am I showing up you know so some

39:33

some simple stuff there where just five minutes just reflecting asking some questions yeah five minutes of silence

39:40

getting into nature getting into the local park you know really noticing your thoughts yeah I like those right and I

39:47

think it takes a level of humility and something I tell to some of my guys that

39:52

can really helpful because of technology is either or ideally both start tracking

39:57

your calorie output start tracking your exercise or your steps a lot of products

40:03

do that now or and start tracking your calorie input start tracking what you eat because just seeing that just

40:09

getting that data and being like where am I physically in just this like energy input output system where am I might be

40:16

humbling for a lot of guys but it’s a really good place to start just to start to like interact with reality as it is

40:21

versus the image and maybe fantasy we have about ourselves yeah and again it’s

40:27

that distraction to presence isn’t it so much of life is distracting ourselves from the inability to be present with

40:34

the moment with our feelings you know with our situation definitely yeah so you know

40:43

when we’re talking the pre-show you talked about kind of this flow between um connection commitment and context so

40:49

I want to give a chance to talk about that during during this show to our listeners I think it’s a really valuable framework for our guys to hear yeah and

40:56

again you know it comes from my own personal experience that you know layers of the the hero’s journey so and you

41:02

know it’s not all linear as you know this is a spiral you know self-awareness self-development yet one of the keys is

41:10

again I’ve mentioned it many many times is connection and it’s connection with

41:15

self again which we’ve touched on and you know my personal experience so in my

41:20

late 20s I went into the into the woods yeah on my own you know my wife was very

41:26

supportive she had the children and I just went for a couple of weeks you know hiking reflecting and it was a

41:32

life-changing experience because I found myself again I’d lost myself you know in

41:38

my 20s I was a lawyer children married and I just lost touch with my true self

41:44

so really encourage any of the listeners and again I just think nature you know if you can if you can find time to get

41:50

away you know be in solitude be in silence you know just find a way to

41:56

connect with yourself and then what happened for me several years after that

42:01

was I realized that as men true Freedom comes from True

42:07

commitment yeah and it’s a paradox because we don’t fully understand commitment yeah commitment is I choose

42:14

to have no more Choice what I realized is even though I had a deepest

42:19

connection with myself I hadn’t fully committed to the hero’s journey I was

42:24

still sitting on the fence it was like yeah it’s interesting I’ll read a few books do a podcast maybe do a bit of yoga now and again and there was a time

42:31

in my late 30s where I just committed to my practice I just really went I’m

42:37

choosing to have no more Choice one of the best bits of advice I got from one of my yoga teachers she said just do one

42:44

pose a day yeah so any of the listeners the hardest thing with yoga is getting to

42:49

the yoga map yeah it’s the same with getting to your meditation husk yeah and so that

42:56

commitment I just went I’m I’m I’m committed to this I’m not sitting on the fence anymore and that was a game Cher

43:03

so connecting with myself committing to living yep the you know my practice

43:09

living the hero’s journey and then the third was context so context gives meaning to content to our life yeah and

43:16

we’re always operating context but one of the questions I’d ask the listeners is what’s the context of your life are

43:24

you living a purpose life are you living a life where you are

43:29

the author of your life you are the hero in your journey and for me the big shift

43:35

there Mark was the contextual shift was I realized that I create the whole of my

43:41

own reality yeah I took 100% radical responsibility for my life I stopped

43:47

playing the victim I’m stopped playing the BL not all the time obviously but you know it and that became the context

43:53

of my life and still is yeah so I connected with myself I committed to my

43:58

practice and and the journey and then the context of my life was 100% responsibility this is my life and any

44:06

of the listeners you know you’ll come to this your own way and any of those that are really embracing the hero’s journey

44:11

they were three really important anchors for me on the journey does that that make sense it it does yeah I really like

44:19

all of that I mean I think just to kind of dovetail I mean the connection piece is huge I love they talk about nature

44:24

use a lot of that in my own personal life and in my practice and the way I think about that is it’s so important

44:31

for men to have places where we have no role right where we’re not a father

44:36

we’re not a husband we’re not a worker we’re not a boss we’re not a leader we’re not nothing we’re just bod right or we’re just Mark and I think for me

44:43

nature and Solitude is the best way to do that um you know for guys out there if you don’t you know not a confident

44:49

hiker Backpacker like just get a Airbnb just like go rent an Airbnb somewhere

44:54

somewhat remote an hour or away from your house and stay there for a week and and don’t talk to anybody no technology right that’s crazy like see

45:02

what see what that brings up when you really take off all those masks and you’re just you again maybe for the first time ever right it might be the

45:09

first time ever where you feel like you’re just you and you don’t have responsibility for a moment right you don’t have those um and commitment is

45:16

huge right like I love that you say it’s choosing to not have choice I I had heard that way before I’m going to steal that um but but I I do think like when

45:24

you look at ancient masculine stories right like Oaths and vows and promises

45:30

and dependability are weaved all throughout that and I think like men we

45:36

get stronger when we can make promises and when we can keep promises especially to ourselves first and foremost and then

45:41

to our community and loved ones so this idea of like what do you vow to do what oath are you really taking that will

45:48

Define your life you think of like I mean you mentioned the knights right the nightly orders or Samurai Bushido right

45:54

like this idea of like really swearing yourself to something larger than yourself is I think such a a primal

46:00

masculine thing to do and I think it’s something that’s really lost now um and then yeah the last piece of context you

46:07

know I again just really love what you’re saying around taking responsibility for your life because

46:12

that’s a big one especially the stuff that isn’t your fault you know like we’re all born with a certain deck of

46:17

cards and we got some good cards and we got some bad cards but at some part we get to put cards in our deck and take

46:23

cards out right we get to do that in work and that like you said the cleanup work to really like refine Our Deck to

46:29

play the best game that we can and I think like being that victim mentality is maybe the ultimate form of

46:35

masculinity right of really being like a leader and a hero and not a victim and being like someone that can give to

46:42

their community and that has a gift to give so yes that all made sense and I I really really enjoyed um that that

46:50

framework because I think it it g paves a pathway for men to become heroes in their own lives yeah and I think that

46:57

the context piece as you say when you take 100% responsibility for your life whatever’s presenting in your life

47:04

whatever challenge whatever fear whatever resistance remember yeah the

47:10

fear isn’t in the way the fear is the way if you’re willing to lean in to

47:18

whatever challenges there are do the work do the expiration take 100% responsibility you then that clears the

47:25

Hero’s path that’s the obstacle to clear yeah and you keep doing that literally

47:31

like the M of Avalon the bridge the purpose will reveal itself yeah and you’ll start to live our true desire

47:37

which is freedom yep freedom and flow is our Natural State yeah that’s available if you’re

47:44

willing just to lean in I love that you bring that up and it makes me think of some of the um work by Jacko willick

47:50

right who does the Navy SEAL stuff and what he says is that it’s not that Navy Seals are never afraid is that they can

47:56

operate while afraid and I think men need to hear that where like the fear isn’t going anywhere in fact it’s

48:02

probably going to increase cuz you’re going to do harder stuff and stuff that has higher Stakes if the more successful

48:07

but it is about operating through fear and while being afraid and not losing your right like being able to stay

48:14

present stay rational stay calm be able to make those ethical decisions when the fire is hot um so yeah there’s a a lot

48:21

of overlap between us us bod I’m curious like you talk about small steps so what are some small small steps that men

48:29

listening right now can take when they’re done listening to the podcast something they can do immediately and take away with them yeah well one of the

48:36

giveaways in the show notes I’ve put together a mini course and some meditation so it’s

48:42

www.free minicourse decom so encourage anybody who kind of wants it’s very

48:47

simple two three minute meditations and some videos and a little course around freedom and flow uh so that’s a that’s a

48:55

good kickoff uh one of the one of the great things I suggest and I think it came from the work of Joe despenser

49:01

who’s you know really doing some incredible work um if you want to take a

49:07

small step one of the key things one of the ways to train the mind is to train the

49:13

body and what I what I say is that if you’ve got somewhere in your house or

49:19

apartment where you can sit quietly for 5 or 10 minutes without any distractions

49:27

without your phone without you know the family if you’re willing to do that and

49:33

train your body to just sit like you would train a dog just sit just sit yeah

49:39

your mind will kick and scream like a wild horse yep the monkey mind will go will go but our thinking mind it’s like

49:45

a really fast train yep if you want to slow a fast train you don’t jump in front of it yep you just got to slow it

49:52

down so just sit try brain your body everybody I would say can find somewhere

49:59

to just sit with no distractions yeah if you’re willing to do that for a couple of weeks your mind

50:06

will start to calm down you will get more present with yourself you will start to connect deeper with yourself

50:12

it’s a game changer something as simple as that it’s huge it’s huge yeah I have a a background in Buddhism and you will

50:18

learn this thing that I’ll tell you and you might not feel is that you are not your thoughts right that is one of the

50:24

first most powerful insights to any kind of Mind Body practice that you’re talking about bod right this idea that

50:31

like we are not our thoughts and some of our thoughts are random and some of our thoughts are crazy and some of our thoughts are weird and they’re not us

50:38

and the moment I really truly felt that I was free because I wasn’t a slave to

50:44

just my you know neurons going crazy right like I I realized I was more than

50:50

that yeah and the piece I’d add to that is we’re not our feelings either yeah so

50:55

feelings and emotions feelings aren’t facts yeah the emotion yeah is Just

51:02

Energy and motion it’s giving you information but we attach it to an old story particularly our little boys they

51:08

wed little boys yeah we get defensive you know the fundamental defense is I’m not good enough as you mentioned earlier

51:15

I’m not valuable and lovable that’s that’s what our little boys experienced and so yeah I love that thought we’re

51:21

not our thoughts and we’re not our feelings yeah and if we’re not there then we have to be something much

51:26

greater so yes that’s right that’s the journey find out what that is connect

51:32

with that in yourself it’s a game changer yeah so we do have to wrap up here bod I think there’s another episode

51:37

in our future um y but as we’re at our time I’d love to let people know where

51:42

can they find you online learn about your courses and your work in your book yeah thank you yeah so

51:50

www.b Aldridge b o DHI a l d r d g.com

51:56

um the book’s there the podcast is true freedom on all the normal podcast Outlets Plus on on there and the free

52:03

minicourse again yep www.free minicourse tocom and that’s about freedom and flow

52:09

So yeah thank you and for the listeners yeah have a look there’s plenty of information on the website Plenty of podcasts I’ve done if you want to start

52:16

diving into this work the hero’s journey Feel Free as well any if this resonates with any of listeners if you feel the

52:23

call then through the website you can book a complimentary alignment call with

52:28

me I can just see where you’re at and maybe guide you to what maybe next figure yeah definitely do that I think

52:35

all those offerings are phenomenal and yeah listeners definitely chat with bod if you feel if it’s words speak with you

52:41

right because there are many teachers and it’s worth going with the one that you know you start to kind of resonate

52:46

with um how they speak so all that stuff will be in the show notes you’ll be able to just click there um and yeah I think

52:53

that’s about our show so if you’re really enjoyed it definitely post on social media share it send to somebody

52:58

who think needs to hear this as well give us a fstar review on Apple we’re doing actually pretty good building those out so thank you listeners any

53:05

more of that is really helpful for getting the this message out and we’ll see you next week another episode of men’s therapy

53:11

[Music] podcast thank you for joining your host

53:17

mark aile on the men’s therapy podcast be sure to tune in again live next Wednesday at 2 p.m. eastern time and

53:23

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