When my father, Master Dave Lee, passed away in 2020, I felt like my world crumbled beneath me.
After death, nothing feels the same, especially when that death takes your mentor, your guide, and the very person who introduced you to your life’s purpose.
For men especially, navigating grief often becomes a silent, solitary journey we’re expected to handle without revealing too much vulnerability. Yet finding meaning after death becomes the essential path that determines whether we merely survive, or truly thrive again.
My path back to purpose came through the very disciplines my father had taught me – Martial Arts, physical training, and philosophical practice. Today, I want to share how these became my path to meaning after his death, and how they can help you when facing similar losses.
In this episode of the Men’s Therapy Podcast, host Marc Azoulay speaks with Aidan Lee. He is the founder of FitRoots and a mindset performance coach specializing in elite coaching for men, especially fathers. He has a background rooted deeply in martial arts. His personal journey is shaped by family, discipline, and spiritual practice. Aidan helps men reclaim strength, consistency, and a powerful sense of self through inner child work and emotional fitness.
I was born to be on the path of Martial Arts. It’s in my blood. I started training at 4 years old under my father, who founded and ran the successful Warlords Kickboxing Academy in Slough starting in the 1980s. For years, I trained with him, learned from him, and eventually taught alongside him.
When he died, I lost more than a father, I lost my teacher, and the physical embodiment of the traditions I had dedicated my life to honouring. After his death, going back to exercising, doing Martial Arts, and teaching in the Dojo felt empty. The techniques felt hollow. The purpose that had driven me since childhood suddenly seemed distant and unclear.
Many men experience this same purposelessness after death takes someone central to their lives. Research shows that men often struggle more with the long-term effects of grief than women do, partly because we tend to internalize our emotional responses and have fewer outlets for processing loss.
After my father’s death, my body began to betray me in ways I hadn’t anticipated. Despite decades of disciplined training, I experienced:
Chronic fatigue: Even simple training sessions left me exhausted
Disrupted sleep: Making recovery impossible
Loss of strength: Tasks that were once effortless became challenging
Brain fog: Impairing my ability to coach and lead effectively
This wasn’t just emotional – Grief has profound physiological effects. Studies have linked bereavement to decreased immune function, hormonal disruptions, and inflammation. For men specifically, prolonged grief can actually lower testosterone levels, creating a vicious cycle where we physically can’t summon the energy to engage in the very activities that might help us heal.
I remember one day wanting to do some Shadowboxing, and straight after I started, I felt like I had no energy to continue, and my body stopped. This moment, feeling physically weak when physical strength had always been my identity, became my wake-up call.
The path back to meaning after death isn’t just about “getting over it” or “moving on” – Terms that minimise the profound transformation required. Instead, it’s about finding new ways to carry that relationship forward while rebuilding your sense of purpose.
Physical training provides a uniquely effective framework for this rebuilding process. Here’s why:
Exercise directly counters the physiological chaos that grief creates in your body. Research shows that regular physical activity reduces cortisol levels and increases endorphin production, creating a biological foundation for emotional regulation.
When I returned to consistent Kickboxing training, getting into that flow state, and the physical exertion gave my nervous system something it desperately needed: Predictable patterns that signaled recovery to my brain.
Men often struggle with traditional “talk therapy” approaches to grief. Movement offers an alternative form of processing that doesn’t require verbalization. Through Martial Arts specifically, I could express anger, frustration, and even negative thoughts through physical form rather than words.
After death of someone central to your identity, you must rebuild who you are. Physical disciplines provide concrete metrics and achievements that can anchor this new identity. Each skill remastered, each goal achieved, becomes tangible evidence of your continuing growth.
Through my own journey after my father’s death, I developed what I now call the Modern Warrior Transformation approach to rebuilding meaning. This same framework has helped countless other men navigate their own losses.
Before moving forward, we must properly acknowledge what’s been lost. For men, this often means creating rituals of remembrance that align with our values.
I created a small area in my training space with my father’s Martial Arts black belt. Before each session, I remember his presence and contribution.
This isn’t about clinging to the past, it’s about consciously carrying forward what matters. Maintaining a healthy connection to the deceased actually supports better adjustment than trying to “let go” completely.
After death disrupts your life, your physical health often deteriorates rapidly. Addressing this decline isn’t vanity, it’s necessity.
I focused on these four foundational elements:
Sleep optimisation: Setting consistent sleep/wake times and creating a device-free bedroom environment
Nutrition fundamentals: Focusing on protein intake and anti-inflammatory foods
Testosterone support: Natural approaches including strength training and optimal sunlight exposure
Movement patterns: Rebuilding basic functional movements before returning to intense training
One student who lost his brother told me: “I felt so much better, so fast, like in a week or two, the brain fog lifted, and I felt like a new man.” This physical restoration creates the energy needed to do the deeper emotional work.
Unstructured grief can become chaotic and overwhelming. Martial Arts and structured physical training provide containment – A form within which to experience powerful emotions safely.
After my father’s death, I returned to the most fundamental Kickboxing drills he had taught me. The rhythmic striking, the controlled breathing, the focused attention – These elements created a moving meditation that allowed me to process emotions that felt too overwhelming when I was still.
Men often isolate during grief, but this is precisely when we need community most. After death takes someone close, finding, or creating a brotherhood of support becomes essential.
When I reopened my Martial Arts School after his death, I started to realise my mission was to specifically help men more. So I focused on helping more men through health, fitness, and Martial Arts. We trained together, but also created space for authentic conversation about our struggles. This wasn’t therapy, it was men supporting men, in a normal, casual way.
For men especially, side-by-side activities create safer contexts for vulnerability than face-to-face conversations.
Grief is heavy.
It twists you up inside and makes you feel like you’re the only one stumbling through the dark.
But you’re not alone—and you don’t have to do this by yourself.
At Men’s Therapy Online, our men’s groups are a place where you can bring the raw truth of your grief without judgment.
You’ll sit shoulder-to-shoulder with other men who know what it’s like to lose, to rage, to despair, and to keep living anyway.
Together, we don’t “fix” grief, we face it.
The final stage of finding meaning after death is transforming your experience into service. By helping others navigate their own challenges, you create purpose from pain.
This is why I developed the Modern Warrior Transformation Programme. Every time I guide another man through his own journey of rebuilding, I honour my father’s legacy of teaching and leadership.
Psychologist Viktor Frankl called men to find their meaning – The process of creating purpose from suffering. Finding meaning after loss is strongly associated with post-traumatic growth rather than ongoing distress.
If you’re navigating the aftermath of loss right now, here are three practical steps you can take today:
Be brutally honest about your current physical state. After death disrupts your life, baseline measurements provide clarity and direction:
Sleep quality and quantity
Energy levels throughout the day
Basic strength (can you do a push-up? A pull-up?)
Movement capacity (can you touch your toes? Squat properly?)
Document where you are now without judgment. This becomes your starting point.
Establish a daily movement practice that honours your relationship with the person you’ve lost. This doesn’t need to be intense – Consistency matters more than intensity when you’re rebuilding.
My ritual includes:
Regular meditation focusing on my father’s teachings
10 minutes of the basic Kickboxing warm-up he taught me
15 minutes of skill practice on techniques we worked on together
The specifics matter less than the intention and consistency.
Identify at least one other man with whom you can share your journey. This might be:
A training partner
A friend who has experienced similar loss
A men’s group in your community
An online community focused on men’s grief and growth
Men often prefer support by doing activities together, over emotional support, where they have to directly talk about their feelings. Respect this preference by finding ways to connect through shared activities while allowing conversation to emerge naturally.
The most profound lesson my father taught me wasn’t a specific Martial Arts technique – It was that movement itself is medicine. After death shattered my world, this understanding became my salvation.
When we move with intention, we activate healing processes that extend far beyond physical fitness. We regulate our nervous systems, process emotions through our bodies, and reconnect with our fundamental humanity.
My father understood this intuitively. He created Warlords Kickboxing Academy not just to teach fighting techniques, but to guide men toward self-mastery through disciplined physical practice. In continuing this work after his death, I’ve found my own meaning and purpose.
After death takes someone close, you have a choice. You can remain defined by your loss, or you can use it as the catalyst for becoming the strongest version of yourself, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
My mission now is to create a movement of 10 million Dads who lead by example. This mission was born directly from my grief – A way to honour my father by multiplying his impact through my work.
What meaning will you create from your loss? How will you transform your pain into purpose?
If you’re ready to begin this journey of transformation after death has altered your path, I invite you to take the first step. The Modern Warrior Transformation approach offers a framework for rebuilding not just your body, but your sense of meaning and purpose.
Men, the path of grief is not meant to be walked alone. If you’re struggling to find meaning after death has taken someone close to you, explore how physical training might become part of your healing journey, by getting my free training on the 30 steps to get lean, energised, and disciplined naturally.
Remember: the greatest honour you can give those you’ve lost is to live with the vitality, purpose, and strength they would want for you. This isn’t about “moving on” – It’s about moving forward while carrying their legacy within you.
The Warrior’s path is never easy, but it leads to a life of meaning, purpose, and impact. Your journey begins with a single step – A decision to transform your grief into growth, your loss into legacy.
Will you take that step today?
Aidan Lee helps men to get lean, energized, and disciplined naturally. His mission is to create a movement of 10 million men who lead by example. He does this with his signature online programme, the Modern Warrior Transformation, so men can unlock the support they need to transform physically, mentally, and spiritually. Aidan started training in 1996 under his late father, Master Dave Lee. Then in 2015, he created FitRoots after 2 decades of training, and crafted this one-of-a-kind approach, using the best of Martial Arts (particularly Kickboxing), Functional Strength Training, and Philosophy. Ultimately, he aims to build a society of Warrior-Philosopher men who lead their families by example. This will bring communities and the world back to the balance and order that the modern world so desperately needs.
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