How to leave work at work

How to leave work at work

September 30, 2024

Key Takeaways:

1. Many men struggle to leave work behind due to financial pressures, fear-based motivations, expecting work to fulfill personal needs, or avoiding conflict in their personal lives.
2. Creating a structured approach through prioritization, delegation, and technology boundaries helps maintain separation between work and home life.
3. Understanding your different life roles and allocating time to each through block scheduling creates more intentional work-life balance.
4. Matching tasks to your energy levels and building in flexibility increases productivity during work hours, making it easier to disconnect afterward.
5. Physical health practices and regular self-reflection are essential components of maintaining healthy boundaries between work and personal life.

As men, our jobs are important – that’s a fact. Some therapists might tell you to “let go of the stress” or to “try not to care so much” or “focus on what’s really important.” These tactics don’t work with guys. We can smell the bullshit and we know that it’s not that easy to just “let it go.” We have families to support, commitments to keep, and bills to pay. 

The truth is, for many of us our jobs are our identity. You are ambitious, driven, and want to have a meaningful impact on the world. So, we aren’t going to tell you just “don’t care” about your work stress, we are going to give you real strategies on how to leave work at work.

We’ve all been there: it’s 8pm, you were supposed to stop working hours ago but your mind is still spinning, running through your to-do lists, obsessing over your last meeting, and stressing about deadlines. You keep checking your email over and over again or flipping through your work apps – you know that you have a lot to do but you can’t seem to organize your thoughts and chip away at it. Hours pass: you can’t sleep, you’re cranky, and you aren’t present to the world around you. Eventually, you give up, throw in the towel, drink a beer and pass out for the night – just to wake up and do it all again.

Work stress bleeds into our lives and our relationships. In order to regain control of your life and to leave work at work, you’ll have to not only set boundaries, but learn to work more effectively. If you take an objective audit of your work/life balance it’s not that you don’t have enough time, it’s that you are spending your time inefficiently. At Men’s Therapy Online, our licensed clinicians will help you optimize your work life so that you can reclaim your personal life.

Why You Should Leave Work at Work

The benefits of having a healthy work/life balance speak for themselves: improved mental health, reduced risk of burnout, better relationships, and more presence in your daily life. Given the choice, no one would choose to be a workaholic or to stay up late at night working without pay. Of course we would want more time for ourselves, our hobbies, and our families. But, it’s not that easy to leave work at work.

So, it’s more important to talk about what keeps people stuck:

Financial Hardship: for some of you this is the key reason why you’re stuck at work, the numbers just don’t add up. Maybe you work a commission or tip-based job, maybe you’re gunning for that promotion, or maybe you’re an entrepreneur trying to get a business off the ground. If the reason that you struggle to leave work at work is purely financial we recommend working with one of our Executive Coaches to start talking about changing jobs or working more efficiently. We can help you with practical tips and strategies to balance the budget and get some breathing room.

Working for the Wrong Reasons: When we ask guys to set boundaries and to leave work at work the number one thing that they say is “I’m really passionate about what I do! Why is that a problem?” It’s not. The issue is that guys are usually over attached to their job for the wrong reasons. 

If you start to dig deeper it’s not the mission that inspires you, it’s the fear of disappointing others, the fear of failure, or the fear of being seen as “lazy.” These reasons aren’t connected to the mission of your organization or to the outcomes of your job. If you’re working for the wrong reasons then you’ve just bought yourself a one way ticket to burnout. Since these reasons are based in fear they are very fragile. Any set back or upset can induce massive amounts of stress and anxiety. By working through your fear and pivoting your mindset around work you’ll be able to turn down the pressure of work and be more effective in your role.

Expecting Work to Meet Your Personal Needs: For many guys our work is not just our work. It’s our social life, our sense of purpose, and our identity. As men, we are conditioned to make work our top priority. While that can be ok for a period of time, we really get into trouble when we start to transfer our personal needs onto the workplace. We start to see work as the only place where we can feel belonging, respect, or purpose. We over-index on work to make up for a lack of fulfillment in our personal lives. To fully leave work at work you must start to meet these needs in your personal life. Our licensed therapists can help you determine what these needs are and help you meet them – simple as that.

Avoidance of Conflict in your Personal Life: Some guys overwork because it’s a way to avoid dealing with more serious issues. Work can be a place of relative simplicity and control, you know the mission, you know your coworkers, and you know how to get it done. Life, and especially relationships, can be messy – it’s never really clear what the best or optimal route is. And, life can often be more about surviving instead of accomplishing. You may struggle to leave work at work because it’s easier to do that rather than face the underlying problems and challenges in your life. We recently wrote a blog about How to Stop Being a Nice Guy that dives deep into this issue and presents some strategies on how to confront the conflict in your life and start working on your foundation. 

On our podcast we interviewed Aaron Trahan, a Top 100 Entrepreneur & Innovator and an ex-CEO of a billion-dollar startup, about his journey. He shared his story of success at the cost of burnout. After a traditionally successful career, Aaron realized that his work was consuming his soul and decided to make a change. Take a listen and see if you relate with his journey.

Tips for Leaving Work at Work

In this section we’ll share some tips on how to leave work at work. Some of these will be work-based strategies while others will focus on your personal life. Take a look and challenge yourself to implement one or two of these strategies. 

Prioritize and Delegate

Prioritize tasks based on urgency and importance. Use tools like to-do lists or task management apps to stay organized. Don’t be afraid to delegate tasks at work and ask for help when needed. Delegate more than you think that you need. Try seeing if you can delegate first before going it alone. You may be surprised how many of your co-workers will agree to helping you. Just think of what you’d say if someone on your team asked for help.

Disconnect from Technology

Set boundaries for checking emails or taking calls after work hours. Turn off as many notifications if possible. Turn your phone to black and white. Create device-free zones at home, like the dining table or bedroom to enhance relaxation. You can enforce this by trying to keep your phone plugged into a charger at all times – don’t carry it around with you.

Clarify Your Roles

All of them, personal and professional. On a sheet of paper write down all the different roles that you have at work: admin, management, billing, technical, R&D, meetings, networking, etc. And all the roles you have in your personal life: parenting, athletics, hobbies, house chores. Then next to each one write down how many hours per week you’d ideally spend on them.  For reference the average person has about 14hrs per day or 98 hours per week to allocate.

Create a Block Schedule

Break your day into blocks, typically 1 to 3 hours long, depending on the task and your ability to focus.

For example:

• Morning (8 AM – 11 AM)
• Late Morning (11 AM – 1 PM)
• Afternoon (1 PM – 4 PM)
• Evening (4 PM – 7 PM)
• Night (7 PM – 10 PM)

You can choose shorter or longer blocks depending on what works best for you but we find that 2 or 3 hour blocks tend to work the best. Now, assign roles from the previous step to the blocks. It’s that easy, just one role per block that is scheduled and anchored around your non-negotiables such as mandatory meetings, child responsibilities, or commute time.

At Men’s Therapy Online, our Executive Coaches can help you to refine your schedule and teach you powerful time management strategies that’ll help you get the most out of your time at work so you can set it down when you get home and leave work at work.

Optimize Your Work Based on Your Energy Levels

Focus on your energy levels rather than just scheduling time. Certain tasks drain your energy, while others replenish it. Group tasks based on how they affect your energy levels.

Work in sprints: Adopt methods like the Pomodoro Technique (25 minutes of work, 5-minute breaks) to prevent burnout and stay sharp throughout the day. Schedule demanding tasks during your peak productivity hours and reserve low-energy times for less intense tasks (e.g., administrative work, catching up on emails).

Set Aside Time for Flexibility

Not every moment has to be rigidly scheduled. Leave some time blocks open or flexible time blocks to handle unexpected events or tasks that may take longer than planned. If you want to go the extra mile – make note of your predicted time and compare it to the actual time it takes you to complete a task.

Practice Strategic Disengagement

Unplug fully after work. This means no checking emails or attending to work-related issues. Rest and leisure are vital to recharging your energy for the next day. Use do not disturb settings on your email and chat apps. 

Plan regular micro-breaks during the day (short breaks every 90-120 minutes) and schedule longer, uninterrupted breaks (such as a mini-vacation or a weekend digital detox) to avoid burnout. Tell your coworkers that you’ll have periods of time when you are not accessible. The earlier you tell them, the better. It’s much easier to learn a new habit than to unwind an old one.

Don’t forget the Physical 

For example, take a walking meeting to incorporate physical movement into your work. Prioritize sleep, nutrition, and exercise as essential components of your productivity. Without these, your work performance and personal life will suffer. Build daily rituals that recharge your energy—meditation, mindfulness practices, or just 15 minutes of quiet time away from devices. Stock your workspace with healthy snacks that you can grab and eat with minimal effort. Make the healthy options the point of least resistance.

Take time to Reflect

Set aside time each week to review your workload, personal goals, and how you’re feeling. This self-assessment allows you to adjust your schedule and priorities if you’re feeling off-balance. At the end of each week, reflect on how you spent your time. Were you working on high-value tasks? Did you have enough personal downtime?

Use apps like RescueTime to monitor where your time goes, then adjust your schedule to ensure better alignment with your goals. It’s important to acknowledge that balance isn’t about perfection. There will be days when work requires more of you, and other days when personal life takes precedence. Give yourself grace, and practice self-compassion on days when things don’t go as planned.

We hope that some of these strategies stood out to you as not only effective but doable. Untangling from an unhealthy work/life balance takes time and concentrated effort – it won’t just happen overnight.

At Men’s Therapy Online we don’t want you to sacrifice your ambition, we want you to become more effective professionally and personally. Our Executive Coaches can help you and hold you accountable to your goals and help you learn effective methods to leave work at work. Get started with us today to create a future of more productivity and fulfillment.

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Marc Azoulay

http://www.menstherapy.online

Marc Azoulay LPC, LAC, CGP, ACS is the founder of Men’s Therapy Online, a community and healing hub for men who want to get back on their feet or take their lives to the next level.