Grief, Healing, and the Power of Rituals

Grief, Healing, and the Power of Rituals

September 22, 2025

Key Takeaways

• Men often experience unique challenges with grief — and silence can be dangerous. Cultural pressure to “stay strong” can lead men to suppress their emotions, which is linked to higher rates of depression, substance abuse, and even early mortality. Grief needs to be expressed, not hidden.
• Grief impacts the whole body, not just emotions. Unresolved grief can disrupt sleep, weaken immunity, and raise risks of anxiety, high blood pressure, and heart problems.
• Rituals and therapy can help transform grief into meaning. Leave-taking rituals, grief groups, and therapy offer structured, healthy ways to honor a loved one, maintain a continuing bond, and move forward without “getting over” the loss.

Grief can be especially complicated for men. They often carry deep pain but feel pressured to hide it — shaped by cultural expectations to “stay strong,” “be the rock,” or “hold it together” for their family. While resilience can be a strength, suppressing grief can quietly erode mental and physical health.

A 2025 survey found that nearly 40% of men rarely or never talk about their grief — almost twice the rate of women. That silence can have serious consequences. Research shows that men who lose a spouse are more likely than women to experience depression, substance abuse, and even higher rates of early death. Men facing complicated grief are also two to three times more likely to have suicidal thoughts compared to women.

This doesn’t mean men are grieving “wrong.” It means grief needs to be felt and processed — not ignored. That’s why normalizing therapy, grief groups, and rituals for men is so crucial. Therapy doesn’t erase grief, but it offers a safe space to express emotions, make meaning of the loss, and find healthier paths forward than silence or self-destruction.

How grief impacts mental and physical health

Grief is not just an emotion — it’s a full-body experience. When you lose someone, your brain and body both register that loss, which is why you may feel it everywhere: in your chest, your stomach, your muscles, even your ability to think clearly. Researchers have found that grief can disrupt sleep, weaken immune function, and throw off your gut health. It’s why so many people say they feel “run down” or get sick more easily in the months following a major loss.

Almost 40% of grieving individuals report physical symptoms — things like headaches, fatigue, digestive issues, muscle tension, or a constant sense of heaviness. And when grief becomes prolonged or especially intense, it can take an even bigger toll. Studies link unresolved grief to higher risks of anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, and cardiovascular issues. Some researchers even talk about “broken heart syndrome,” where extreme emotional stress mimics the symptoms of a heart attack.

This is why it’s so important to pay attention not just to your emotions, but to what your body is telling you. Trouble sleeping, frequent illness, or lingering aches and pains may be your body’s way of saying, “This loss is too heavy to carry alone.” Seeking support isn’t just about easing emotional pain. It’s about protecting your long-term health and giving yourself space to heal in both mind and body.

Grief doesn’t follow a set blueprint: The 7 most common myths that can hold you back

Grief can feel confusing enough on its own — but add cultural expectations and well-meaning advice, and it can leave you wondering if you’re doing it “right.” One of the most common misconceptions is that grief moves through neat stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). While that model can be helpful, most people find grief is anything but linear. Some days feel lighter while others bring unexpected waves of pain. This back-and-forth isn’t a sign you’re stuck — it’s simply how grief moves through us.

If you’ve experienced loss, chances are you’ve heard some of these common myths about grief.

1. “Grief follows a set timeline.”

Many people expect grief to be “done” after a certain number of months — or to progress neatly through the five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). In reality, grief is rarely linear. Feelings can come in waves for years. And what you need to know is that there’s no expiration date on missing someone.

2. “Men should grieve privately.”

Cultural expectations often tell men to stay stoic and “be strong” for others. But this can lead to suppressing feelings, which actually makes grief harder to process and can increase risks of depression, substance misuse, and even physical illness.

3. “Keeping busy will make it go away.”

Distraction can be helpful in small doses, but burying yourself in work or projects doesn’t make grief disappear — it just delays it. Suppressed grief often resurfaces later in unexpected ways, like irritability, health issues, or emotional numbness.

4. “Talking about the loss will make someone feel worse.”

People often avoid bringing up a loved one out of fear of “reminding” the grieving person of their pain. But most grieving individuals haven’t forgotten — they’re thinking about their loved one anyway — and talking about them can actually feel comforting and validating.

5. “If you’re laughing or having fun, you must be ‘over it.’”

Moments of joy don’t mean grief is gone; they mean a person is learning how to live alongside it. Feeling happiness and sadness at the same time is a normal, healthy part of healing.

6. “Grief only happens after a death.”

We often associate grief exclusively with death, but it can follow any major loss — divorce, job loss, serious illness, or even a significant life transition.

7. “Therapy or grief groups are only for people who are ‘struggling.’”

Support isn’t just for people in crisis. It can be a proactive, healthy way to process grief, learn coping tools, and feel less alone.

Grief doesn’t need to look a certain way to be valid — and you don’t need to “get over it” on anyone else’s timeline. The truth is, grief is messy, unpredictable, and deeply human. Recognizing these myths for what they are can be freeing — it allows you to grieve in your own way, at your own pace.

What exactly are leave-taking rituals, and why they matter

Think about birthdays, weddings, or graduations. These milestones feel deeply ingrained in our reality partly because of the rituals we attach to them: cutting the cake, tossing the cap, and saying vows. Rituals mark a transition and help us make sense of change. The same is true for grief — rituals can provide structure during a time that otherwise feels overwhelming and disorienting.

Therapists sometimes refer to “leave-taking rituals,” a process developed by psychologists Onno Van der Hart and Frits Goossens to help people who feel stuck in their grief. The idea is to create a meaningful, intentional way to say goodbye, honor your loved one, and carry their memory forward. These rituals typically unfold in three steps:

Preparation
Take time to think about what kind of ritual feels meaningful to you. You might write letters, gather photos, or choose an object that represents your loved one.

Reorganization
Actively engage with the ritual. This could mean writing daily letters, creating a memory box, or planning a small ceremony.

Finalization
Do something symbolic to mark a turning point. You might read your letters out loud and burn them, plant a tree, or visit a place you shared together. It’s not about “moving on,” but moving forward while carrying their memory with you.

Different types of leave-taking rituals worth trying

Here is a list of potential grief rituals that you could try or offer up to a loved one in need:

• Journaling or letter writing:

  Writing letters to the person who passed (or to yourself) can help you express feelings you didn’t get to share.

• Memory box:

  Collect meaningful items — photos, notes, small keepsakes — in one place to revisit when you want to feel close to them.

• Grief walks:

  Take a daily or weekly walk where you intentionally reflect on your loss, talk out loud, or simply notice what emotions come up.

• Art or music:

  Painting, drawing, or making music can help express feelings that are hard to put into words. You can even try curating a playlist of songs that reflect your loved one’s life or your emotional state — both the sad and the hopeful.

• Plant something living:

  Plant a tree, flower, or garden in their honor as a symbol of growth and ongoing connection.

• Meditation or movement rituals:

  Guided meditations focused on grief, compassion, or acceptance can be grounding. Gentle stretching, yoga, or even dancing to songs that connect you with your emotions can release stored tension.

• Lighting a candle:

  A simple, powerful ritual. Keep a dedicated space in your home where you can reflect, pray, or connect when you need to.

• Storytelling nights:

  Invite friends or family to share memories or stories about the person you lost.

• Cooking their favorite meal:

  Prepare it on special dates or when you want to feel close to them.

• Anniversary rituals:

  On birthdays or anniversaries, do something meaningful — visit a place they loved, donate to a cause they cared about, or write them a letter.

Rituals remind us that even in the middle of loss, we have ways to create meaning and connection. You don’t have to do them all — even one small, intentional act can bring a sense of grounding and help you move through grief with a little more steadiness and care.

How different cultures use rituals to cope with loss

Rituals aren’t just a modern therapeutic tool either. They’re woven into nearly every culture across the world, most from a time before the European concept of modern “therapy” was being utilized. 

• In Mexico, Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) is a vibrant celebration where families build altars with photos, food, and favorite belongings of loved ones. It’s a way to invite the memory of the deceased into the present.
• In Japan, the Obon Festival involves lighting lanterns to guide ancestors’ spirits home and then back to the spirit world. It blends remembrance with community gatherings.
• In many African traditions, funerals last several days and include singing, drumming, and storytelling to honor the person’s life.
• In Jewish tradition, the practice of sitting shiva creates a space where mourners are surrounded by community support for seven days, allowing grief to be witnessed and shared.

These practices show us something important: grief is not only personal, it’s communal. Being held by others (song, prayer, food, or presence) can make the unbearable just a little lighter.

Even if you don’t have a strong cultural or religious tradition around mourning, you can borrow this wisdom.

When to Consider Therapy or Support

Grief counseling or therapy doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one — it’s about helping you carry the loss in a way that doesn’t crush you. A therapist might help you:

• Talk through your emotions in a safe, non-judgmental space.
• Create personalized rituals or memory practices.
• Connect with support groups so you don’t feel alone.
• Work through feelings of guilt, anger, or “unfinished business.”

If you find that grief makes it hard to function — if you’re withdrawing from life, struggling at work, or experiencing ongoing hopelessness — therapy can be a lifeline. While leave-taking is one form of therapeutic intervention, there are many other ways that therapists have adapted to processing grief. Some therapies, like Complicated Grief Treatment, are specifically designed to help people stuck in prolonged grief.

Another way people cope is through meaning-making, or finding ways the loss reshapes their life, values, or relationships. This might look like volunteering in a cause connected to your loved one, starting a tradition in their memory, or reflecting on how their presence changed you for the better.

Therapists also talk about continuing bonds — the idea that grief isn’t about cutting ties, but about maintaining an evolving relationship with your loved one. That could mean talking to them in your thoughts, keeping photos nearby, or carrying on a tradition they loved.

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Jack Lambert LMHC

https://www.jacklambertlmhc.org/

Jack is a psychotherapist in private practice in Manhattan specializing in therapy for those in the LGBTQ+ community. He has had several years of experience working with a diverse population with varied concerns in both inpatient and outpatient settings and completed his training at Columbia University.