As you move down your healing path. You will encounter other people that do not know how to adapt to the changes that you’ve made. This can be very painful because some who were your closest friends are now your biggest detractors. In fact, some of your friends will want you to stay just how you were, even if that means suffering. People hate change. And, if they are small, they will hate you for changing.
What I’d like to talk about today is shifting from prevention focus to promotion focus. Have you ever had a friend that every time you tell him something; some of your plans for the future, some of your recent successes, or some of your struggles; he tells you what will go wrong? He tells you all the mistakes that you’re going to make. He tells you why you can do it, or why no one can do it. This is called prevention focused.
It’s funny though, people who are like this think that they are helping you. They think that their advice will keep you safe. They think that their advice will keep you secure. But in reality they are afraid of you. They are afraid of everything you are capable of. They are afraid that if you succeed they won’t have an excuse to be small anymore.
People who are prevention focused want to keep the status quo. In the status quo they don’t have to examine themselves. They can keep up the story line that they are doing the best they can. They can continue to remain a victim: powerless to the world around them. So, when you show them that they can take control of their own lives, by taking control of yours, they will fear you. And in their fear they will act to destroy you.
Maybe you are one of these people. Maybe you just want to keep everybody safe. Maybe you’ve been hurt before, and don’t want others to get hurt in the same way. Maybe you took a big risk and saw it blow up in your face. Or maybe, just maybe, you just think that you’re smarter than everybody else. But here’s the thing, you aren’t.
When somebody comes to you with an idea or with the dream. They are not really looking for your feedback. Actually, they are looking for your validation. Perhaps you are the first person that they shared this idea with. They are taking a risk and putting their idea out there. It’s like a newborn child; it doesn’t need to be told what is wrong with it. It needs to be told that it is loved, that it is valid, and that it can succeed in this wild and brutal world. This is called promotion focused.
Promotion focused is when instead of critiquing an idea, you build upon it. You get excited for your friend. Instead of saying “here’s where you’re going to fail,” you say, “that’s amazing, how can I help?” You focus on making their dream a reality. And here’s the thing, once you’ve validated their dream, once you’ve heard them out, then, and only then will they be open to your feedback. In fact, they might even ask you for it. They might ask you to get involved and help them.
The shift from prevention focus to promotion focus can change not only your life but the lives of those around you, those that you care about the most. Instead of coming from a place of ego; come from a place of love. Speak from the part of you that wants everyone to succeed. Because, when others succeed so do you.By promoting those around you you will reap the rewards for the rest of your life. You will be valued, trusted, and respected.
So, try this today. Try to promote your friends dreams instead of prevent them. And, if you have a dream be sure to find allies that want you to succeed. Be sure to find people that are as passionate about you as you are about your goals. And if you find yourself surrounded by prevention focused people, it is okay to let them go. It is okay to find others that have your back. You deserve it. You deserve to have a community that loves you. They are out there, it may take some work, but I know you can do it. You can find your people, and make your dreams a reality.
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Men’s Therapy Online is a healing hub for men who want to get back on their feet or take their lives to the next level. Our mission is to help men become the best versions of themselves and truly show up for their lives, relationships and community.
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